Men are like……..bank accounts

They’re only useful when they are loaded.
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
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Wife is heavily pregnant and in hospital to give birth. An anxious husband is watching cricket whilst awaiting news from the hospital. Eventually he could not wait any longer and called the hospital to find out about his wife, but…..he accidentally dialed the cricket stadium. When the phone was answered he asked: ”How are things“ and was told: “fine, 3 were out by tea break, in total 7 were out by lunch time, the last one out was a duck!“ The husband fainted.
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Serial killer and his victim walks thru a dark and scary forest. Victim to killer:“ I am scared“ when killer replied: ”Why are you scared, we are two… you must know how scared I am, I have to walk this way back alone.“

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