Nurse : “Wake up man”
Patient : “Why what’s the matter”
Nurse : “Nothing, I just forgot to give the prescribed sleeping pills”.
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There were three guys including Santa, talking in the pub. Two of them were talking about the amount of control they had over their wives, while Santa remained quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to Santa and says: “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”
Santa says: “I`ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”
The first two guys were amazed.
“What happened then?” they asked. “Well,” Santa said, “she told me to `get out from under the bed and fight like a man`.”
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“How come you`re late?” asks the Manager as Santa walks in the door.
“It was awful,” Santa explains. “I was walking down Mall road and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the road. He`d been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute.”
“What did you do?” asks the Manager.
Santa says, “I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep myself from fainting!”
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Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost his arm in an accident.
Banta was visiting him in the hospital.
Banta, “It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank God that it was your left hand, since you are right handed.”
Santa, “It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realised that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!
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Banta joined a big MNC as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,”You Rascal! Get me a coffee quickly!”
The voice from the other side responded,”You fool you`ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you`re talking to, dumbo?” “No”, replied the trainee.
“It`s the Managing Director of the company, you fool!”
Banta shouted back, “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?”
“No.”, replied the Managing Director.
“Good!”, replied Banta put down the phone!
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Santa walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of the strongest thing you’ve got.”

He takes the shot glass and knocks it back. He then asks for another one and knocks that on back, too. After about five or six of these the bartender decides that he’s going to cut the guy off.

Bartender says to Santa, “Hey, what’s wrong with you? Did you have a fight with your wife or something?”

Santa sighs and says, “Yeah, after the fight she said that she wasn’t going to speak to me for a whole month!”

The bartender, puzzled, says, “Well, what’s wrong with that?”

Santa replied, “Well today’s the last day!”
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There was this case in the hospital’s Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 A.M., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

A worldwide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 A.M., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil.

Just when the clock struck 11 Santa, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

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